I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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