somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
