New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
