I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My liver just had a heart attack.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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