Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
