awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
