btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
