Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
