i think my tv is drunk
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
