take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
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