OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
