My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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