im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
