I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
