Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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