so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
