I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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