how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She's the barista slut.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
