I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just threw up on my dentist
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
