no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
