I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
