We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
