The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
