As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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