i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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