I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
