Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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