the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
