This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
