so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
