i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
