umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
