Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
