I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
