Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The feeling are messing with the penis
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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