"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
