Those balls look pretty dangerous.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
