Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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