the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What drink are we having for lunch?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
