Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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