I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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