He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
