it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
