Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
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