Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
