Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
