i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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