Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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