There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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