Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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